geeks

It is fair to say that I am a geek. I truly enjoy sci-fi, learning, website building, films and actually see my black framed glasses as a part of who i am, but lately my passion for geekdom has taken some serious hits. Why? I hear you ask. Well, let me start with a very brave step I recently took in transferring sniop.co.uk to a new hosting service. The reasons for this were many but as much as I had enbdeavoured with the old service that was apparently supposed to be the future of web hosting (snooze) I had found it to be prohibitively expensive and so unbelievably slow that the build had become depressing and thus the site was non existent. So, I packed my online bags and headed for the Hollywood Hills. I decided enough was enough. I was going to my online home at Hostway. My long serving friends and companions who were there for me on all my other projects and resources.

In my head this was to be a direct, first class 'flight'. I was getting a fully flat bed, complimentary champagne and private boarding. After all, this was an 'airline' I had used before. I was a regular at the bar in their executive lounge (bear with me, this analogy will make sense in the end). Who could ask for more.

The fact is that I should have known better. What I got was a Ryan Air flight, out of Luton, with no frills whatsoever. We are talking delays, plastic seats, pay for your own booze, "we only have the cheese toastie today," ridiculously small hand luggage for 3 weeks and queueing, rather inexplicably but almost as a primal action, with all the other blank faced travellers over 1hr before you are due to board. Yep, I am not paying to get on first. No way, thats a con. Sure the staff were trying to help, but they all had that slight air about them that made you want to do something that would be seriously frowned upon on any future applications to a private members club. "Seriously black balled old chap." I digress.

So, what caused this disaster of a journey? What made this migration so long and so very difficult. Honestly? I dont really know. Well, thats a lie. I do know. I have been informed, but the fact is I truly do not understand. As far as I have got at the point of writing this is that;

'the nameservers have been updated but please keep in mind that DNS modification take a few hours to fully propagate through the internet so this may result in errors or small downtime until the process has finished'
Yep, you guessed it guys, our simple little project has fallen into the hands of the truly exhalted. It has become the play thing of the new gods. It now belongs to the Geeks. But fear not my friends. Sure I am befuddled, out of my depth, being spoken to like an old aged pensioner in a care home and feeling every second of the very few days I am over 40 (only 346 at the last count) but I shall not be defeated. I have found throughout my many jobs across many industries that all Geeks work on a simple premise. They (unfortunately this includes myself in a film context) like to demonstrate their knowledge. This is not meant to be as smug or condescending as it comes across. No Sir/Ma'am. It is merely their way of life. It is their way of clawing back the bullying and lack of social circle as a child. It is the code of all geeks that allows one to identify with another in a new, enlightened socio-economic scale. Geeks measure social standing on knowledge, and not general knowledge but very specific, one topic, encyclopedia type knowledge. Brains are the new Bucks people. Dedication the new dollar.
However, it is not all doom and gloom because I have the key to unlock the Geek gates. I am a quizzling, a turncoat and I, a self confessed geek (I must be for gods sake, just read this ridiculous article for proof), am about to unlock the gates to this world.

It is a very simple thing really. It takes some time to truly perfect, but once you have mastered it, you will prevail 99% of the time (there is a 1% that will never give in, but these folks can be amazing fun once discovered so please come back for the details of how to deal with these truly unique fellows). As much as a geek may know everything and be able to dazzle with abbreviations and technical jargon, you have something that they are simply helpless against. I call it the art of the purposeful wrong. An almost zen like art where one uses the knowledge of the geek as your strength. The point of being locked into so much knowledge is that it sends the geek into an absolute spin when the clearest instructions are cleverly got wrong. Children are masters of this (I have to confess I have always been a quick learner and was using this art from the age of ten and my first attempt at a puncture repair).
Let me give you an example. You are at work (sorry) and you need to raise a ticket to get something done. You raise it and get the usual slightly snooty response. A set of instructions are sent over which merely amount to a thinly veiled way of saying "Turn it off and on again." Dont get upset, dont let it bug you. Merely reply stating "I have done what you said and have turned the data on and off again and nother has occured." The first 6 words are vital here. This is the key to a successful use of the art of purposeful wrong. Now I know that this clearly isnt what they asked, which will elevate their superiorty over you (in their eyes) but it is essential. You will get a reply to this that will again be slightly insulting and a little more condescending than last time. Don't forget, they have labelled you as the equivelent of a jobseeker at this moment, but that is good. This reply will repeat the first request and be rather blunt. Again, listen to the art and reply with the following; "Oh sorry, I completely misundertood. I have followed your instructions and unplugged the PC and when I plug it back in the screen is blank." I am sure you can all see where I am going here. After a few more repetitions you will find someone doing your work for you, simple as that.

So, I now have a team working on this problem for me, freeing up a bit of time to write this blog. I just hope they get it resolved quickly.

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